Friday night on the tiles

Friday was very weird, but in a good way. It was two people's leaving do's at work (secret code for getting drunk) so we went to the Bull up the road. People came and went and it dawned on me that I was surrounded by people, who although I liked, I'd never had a long conversation with. I had the choice of going back to a mates or staying with this mismatched crew, and I'm happy that I stayed. How often do you spend an evening with a brand new set of people and enjoy yourself? Exactly. It's just a shame that you start getting to know people as they're leaving.

Sick to my stomach

Recently I've been feeling sick right before leaving for work. Base of the stomach, move too fast and you'll throw up all over the place sick. But it's never reached the throat. Is it nerves? A warning that I've just had enough? The onset of actual illness? Or something else?

I remember getting these feelings back when I was going to school (boy that' s bad English, blame it on the lack of sleep). Back when I really couldn't stand to be there. Maybe it's my body's way of saying that I need a rest. To get away. Think about something else for a change. Sure, like that's going to happen. I'll probably end up just putting up with it until it goes away or something changes. Oh, I didn't tell you what's happened at work recently did I? Well my job role's changed yet again. Yes I know any change of job role has the likelyhood of temporarity (I don't care if it's not a word), but I had enjoyed this job most of all. To have it taken away just sent me back into the same old slump, not looking forward to going to work, making it a chore to get out of bed, spending a lot of time alone. No doubt something will come along, but what and when remains to be seen. Somehow, unless I get that managers job I doubt it will compare. Same really.

Insomnia is a bastard

If there's one thing I hate above everyone on my extensive list of people I hate, it's insomnia. Yes, that's why I'm blogging at 5:40am. It's like my mind is exhausted but my body just won't let me rest. This is the first time I've had insomnia before a work day so the rest of the day is going to be very interesting. I blame the 3 hours nap I had when I got home.

It's a weird sense of disembodiment I get during a bout of insomnia. This however does not compare the feelings of frustration, anger and the urge to simultaneouly kill anyone I come into contact with as well as myself. I think that's why I hate insomnia most of all, the fact that it really makes killing myself an attractive prospect since it seems the only way out. What else can I do? It's too late to go to sleep now even if I could, I've got to be up and out for work at 7:30. I just know that when I get home I'll be wrecked, but if I go to sleep I'll feel like I'm cheating myself. I work all day so that I can have some time to myself at night. If I just fill that with slepp, well it's not that entertaining....there was a point I was gonna make there but I've already got to the stage where I can't finish thoughts.

It's a shame too 'cos I'd just started to dream again. Not every night, but enough. The one where I was in a school of hot female vampires trying to kill me was pretty cool, although it had my heart racing when I woke up because all I did in it was run from room to room trying not to die. The other morning I had one where I was playing the board game "operation" or something and I made a mistake so the buzzer sounded, only it wasn't the buzzer, it was my alarm clock. I lay there for eleven minutes just listening to my alarm without realising. Weird.

Anyway, guess I'll get some breakfast, maybe slit my wrists, or go to work. Whatever.