Becky's blog

For some time we (Becky and I) have been meaning to write a joint blog. Like an interconnected letter, or....I can't think of a descriptor right now. Too tired. We decided to write about each other, but after that we didn't really have any other rules. I tend to ramble without a definitive outline, so bear with me :P

What can I say about Becky? She's sweet and kind, and she admits that she lives to wind us up. Unusually, she's the only person in the world I can take that from. Why? I haven't been able to figure it out completely, but there's just something about her. A fresh breath of life encapsulated in one person. I know for absolute certain that nothing is said to offend or hurt. It's just to get a reaction.

I feel I may have started off on the wrong foot. That isn't the be all and end all. It's only a small part. Becky is funny, smart, and as crazy as I am (well that might be a stretch, haha). she gets me like very few people do. I am many things to many people, and few see all. I feel like I belong here...

She, as has Mumbles, has become a part of me (I know, that sounds incredably soppy, but I'm allowed to once in a while damnit). You can't spend pretty much all day, every day with people without one of two things happening. You either love or you hate them. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I do love her. Before you jump to your feet and start pointing in an accusing manner (which you probably already have done. In which case sit down), there are many different types of love. Now love isn't a term I throw around lightly (and yes I'm aware I've used it far too much already, sue me) but what other words for it are there?

Things weren't always like this however. Cast your mind back to when we first moved into the glorious flat that has now become legend. As you may remember, I moved in with Spicy and Mumbles, who (or is that whom? I never know the difference) I used to work with. Becky was one of Spicy's friends, and like all his other friends, she was here all of the time. It was a very lively house (quite the opposite of the chilled, relaxed atmosphere we currently have).
As often as I saw these people, there was always this air around saying "You may get to know these people, but they're my friends." Not necessarily in a malicious way, but it was there. Because of this I never really got to know any of his friends....until he left.

Once Spicy had decided to leave (through numerous justifiable reasons), most of his friends left with him. However, we began to see Becky and Shelly around the flat on a regular basis. At this stage, as much as I liked them, I didn't really feel like a belong. Maybe the strange aura of "they're my friends" still hung around, maybe I just didn't find that point of connection.

In fact, this went on from around November until Mumbles' birthday (last July). Mumbles' had been spending more time with Becky than I had to be fair, I mean, how do you start a conversation with someone who's got their back to you, typing away, and listening to deafening music when you don't really know them properly? I know. It's difficult.

I'm trying to pinpoint the exact moment it happened. The four of us were out on the town, celebrating a birthday Mumble's really didn't want to acknowledge. He's like that. I guess Becky and I spoke more that night than we had in the previous months. Haha, and then there's the embarrasing story I really shouldn't tell you about that happened that night. So I won't. It's safe to say that we suddenly clicked.

The next day I pondered, as I always do. I wondered if it's just me who noticed any clicking. I was not alone. Ever since then the three of us have become....I'm not sure how to accurately describe it. Maybe family is what you make of it. If you become so close to people that life would just be bizarre without them in it, is that not the spirit of a family? I think this friendship has changed me. In a good way. People say that the three of us have changed in the recent
past, and I think they're right. I feel looser. More free. I mean, hell, a year ago you wouldn't catch me dressing up as a zombie for shits and giggles, putting on makeup to look like a clown, or sitting round on a lazy Saturday to make a mask. Halloween's became my favourite time of year (even surpassing Christmas) just for the sheer fact that we all get so hyped up about it. It's a chance to become something else. Something mythical. Not that I'm unhappy with what I am right now. In fact I'm perfectly content. My jobs good (for a change). I'm in great company.
I do what I want, if I want to. What more could I ask for? I've never believed that I'd become a super-rich, successful type. I've never seen it as being on the cards. The stupid amounts of self doubt have seen to that.

So, as long as I can get by on what I've got, I'm happy. Put it like this. If there isn't a heaven, then the journey of life doesn't have the greatest destination. So, you should be happy when your travelling companions make the trip that much more enjoyable.....hang on. That sounds a
bit depressing.

Think of something else.
...
There was a moment there when I considered not moving into the flat. To this day I think the decision to move in has been the greatest decision I've ever made. If I hadn't then my life still wouldn't have begun. None of this would have happend for me and I thank my lucky stars that it did. You're the greatest

Insomniatic nightmare

I know, I know. It's way too early for anyone, but what can you do. As I've said in the past, I hate, I hate, I HATE insomnia. But a nice walk with the crew and a McDonalds has sorted me out something proper.....I'm still not awake though.

This is probably the first time I've had insomnia without getting homicidally angry. Maybe it's because after the hour I did manage to get some sleep, I woke up from a sweaty nightmare. I must say, when my head starts to mess with me, it can write a good storyline. I was at my Grandma's, but it wasn't my Grandma's. In it she was actually Mimi from Shameless (probably the person least like my actual Grandma you could find). I heard her shouting "Phil, do you hear someone? Hello?" I heard creaking. The darkness stayed and I listened. She said it again, and at that point I realised that my uncle Phil wasn't even in the house, and that she thought the person in there was him and that I was the intruder. Fearing for her safety I paniced and woke up.

As I lay there I wasn't scared. All I could think was "Well played subconscious. Good stoytelling"

I'll get you next time nightmare man!

I think they call it 'Yogging'

In another spat of keep fit madness, we went jogging the other day. Surprisingly I can now jog. Who'd have thunk it? The guy who came 81st in a cross country race. In fact I could have done that twice over, but I guess you have to go at the pace of the people you're with. We may have concluded our first group jog, however it may not be my last....duh duh duh.....


....although I have only just stopped hurting from the last time.

The year in review (2007)

What else has happened? Oh yeah, there was new year. Happy new year (and Christmas, and Halloween, and birthday possibly, I don't know, I'm not good with dates). New year was a bit of a let down, but we continued the tradition we made the previous year and we went over the year in review. It's always nice to remiss, although last year wasn't exactly jam packed.

We almost moved out
We (as a household) lost contact with a lot of people (15 1/2 at last count, and not by choice), and considering we didn't meet nearly half as many people to replace them, that's a bit worrying
The three of us have bonded a lot more, and Becky isn't just one of Spicy's friends anymore
I've changed job roles at least a dozen times (currently I like it though so it's all good)
I went to Seahouses
We had a Halloween party
Christmas dinner was lush
I finished my dog
I dressed as a zombie, V and a clown
Leckie had his baby
I still didn't get fired
I started my weight training
I bought more DVD's
Transformers the live action movie was released
I had another date

Not a bad year :)

Blog relief

Still not ate yet, but I thought I'd stick a quick one in.

The reason I was so determined to do this today was becuase I know I've got a lot on my mind...I'm just not sure what that is. As you know, my subconscious a bit devious and keeps things from me. I've narrowed it down to a few things, but nothing really major. Maybe it's that whole need for a companion thing again. Maybe I'm just not getting enough sleep. Hell, it could be anything (although the council demanding loads of money won't be helping). All I know is that just pouring my mind out into the keyboard was a very good move. Even if everything I'm writing isn't about what's on my mind, at least it's getting out there and clearing room for everything else. I can even feel my shoulders sagging with relief. Ahhhh, that's nice.

Definately should do this more often.

2 hours and counting.

So here we are. Hour two of blogging. I bet you never thought you'd see this....although admittedly I bet you still won't 'cos everyone would have given up long ago. I can't believe how much of a stress reliever it's been. And fun. I'd no idea that I'd have so much fun too. I'm actually contemplating not eating just because I'd have to stop....but I don't think that's going to happen. I am way too hungry. Damn frail human body!

I'll be back

Memories starting again

The mind's a funny old thing....although I'm sure I've told you this before. I can't quite remember. It's almost as if my memories were wiped down with a dirty cloth and smudged before I moved into the flat. It's kinda hazy. It's as if an actual new life started as soon as I walked into the door. I can remember the very first day with clarity (and I was very very drunk that day). Not that I'm saying my life before that was bad. In no way. But compared to this it wasn't much of a life. I didn't get out there, didn't meet people. Didn't spend longer than a few hours with my friends. They're so contrasting it's unbelievable.

Still, it's worrying. If the memory can wipe so easily, what's to stop it from doing it again? It's one of the things that holds me back from wanting to move out (which we're talking about again. July's just around the corner). I don't want to lose the memories I've made. I've had some of the happiest times of my life here. Who'd want to miss out on that? Sure I've had some shitty ones too, but I can block those out. I know it's weird, but it's not just me this has happened to. It happened to Becky too. What is it about this place that does this? Will the next place have a similar effect? I know one thing. I'm sure as hell going to try and stop it from happening at all costs!

Seashouses

As you may or may not know, the family used to always go to Seahouses every year for our summer holidays. I know what you're thinking. "Boy I bet that got old...hmmm, I wonder if there are any buscuits left". I can tell you now, no it didn't and no there aren't.

I went back there fairly recently. It hasn't changed much, and I couldn't believe how happy it made me. Re-visiting the old haunts. Taking a walk on the pier. Can you get how happy I was? I was stupidly happy. Look. Look at this stupid grin. I was that happy :P

Blogging around the shop

In a follow-up post, I've been on a hunt to find types of devices that can view the blog. So far I've got the great French DJ's phone and a PSP. I tried to get it on the Wii, but there's no way I'm paying for a browser. No chance.

The Halloween balloon

Ever since Halloween before last (that's 2006 to you and me), we've had a small orange balloon hiding away in the corner. Foraging for food while we're asleep. Knawing holes in my socks when I'm not looking. Typical evil Halloween balloon stuff. We found it cowering under the table just before Halloween 2007, with still a little bit of life left in the old boy. We put it as pride of place. But sneakily "someone" started toying with it. Torturing it as it lay captive and vulnerable pinned to the wall. Foreshame Becky, foreshame. We'll miss you Halloween balloon. I salute you oh near immortally blown up bit of rubber. RIP

Clowning around

Sometimes I get stupidly bored. When that combines with depression it can either lead to screaming and getting people to knock me around...or it can lead to dressing up like a clown. You know those days where you get in from work, you sit down, someone suggests you put on some makeup and you progress from there. I know I should be ashamed, or embarrased, but I'm really not. It cheered me up. It still does. Here's a couple of my favourite pics:

I never used to be this type of person. No one would have dreamed of it. Maybe something snapped inside, maybe I've always been this way but I've never set myself free...maybe, just maybe I made myself look like a tool and enjoyed it. We may never know.

What we do know is that the neighbours weren't expecting us to be like that when they came round to tell us that the back gates had blown off and that one of them was going away for the weekend as his mother has just died. You try sitting there with a straight face as someone tells you that, surrounded by clowns. Not such a pussy thing to do now is it?

Toilet troubles

Can you believe how shitty our landlord is? Three weeks without a working toilet! It got to the point where I was looking forward to going to work just so I didn't have to deal with the hastle of filling up a bucket. Don't worry, we didn't go old school and defacate out of windows. We have some standards.

Bee/Wasp update

You'll be relieved, nay, joyous to learn that as it's been winter for a while, I haven't been attacked by any bees or wasps. Yes, I know the likelyhood of finding a small offshoot of cold surviving super bee/wasp hybrids is slim, but knowing my luck with both of them you wouldn't be surprised. However, it is getting warmer, and with each tiny speck of mercury that climbs up the thermometer, I grow more and more alert for things to come.....

Finished my Dawg

Finally, after so much time and effort, I've finished making my very own dog (to be fair it was about three sittings of around 3 hours). Now most people can't really tell what it is straight away, and it doesn't take great pictures, so in that way I guess it's true what they say. Dogs do end up being like their owners. I finished him (I'm fairly sure it's a he) a while ago now and he's been sitting in the corner ever since. I love the little guy from his so called rat like head to his comedy tail. Sure, some people are impressed, but I'm not sure if they're just bullshitting me to make me feel good about myself. You never can tell. Not that I'd probably be able to take much criticisim. Angry angry feelings.

I did get a tremendous sense of achievement from this. Finally finding something to do with my hands. I can't sit withouth anything to do without something to occupy me. This was a great escape. Anyway, without further ado, here he is:

IT WAS CHRISTMAS!!!

What else has happened? Christmas I suppose. Christmas was really good this year. Becky and I cooked ourselves a pre-Christmas dinner. No offence to anyone who's cooked me anything in the past, but it was the greatest thing ever! Mmmm, just thinking about it makes me hungry. I know, I know. It's weird talking about this. But you've no idea how nice it was. In fact here, I'll show you a picture:



Oh, and I got a Wii. Oh the wee jokes we had. Oh the intense pain we had the next day. I've got a feeling that most of the country was in agony by Boxing day. Either the nations so unfit, or that thing's just evil. Fun though, incredibly fun, but sinisterly evil....if that's a word. If not then it should be.

....hungry now

Halloween (2007)

I am shit. I admit that. I don't keep you informed anymore. I love the blog, but I just don't get round to it these days. Not that I'm off doing anything particularly exciting, pretty much nothing in fact. But I guess it's who you do nothing with that counts (Mumbles and Becky are great people to do nothing with). Not that that was going to be my original point, but when has that ever stopped me.

Time for an update on the whole "life" thing. Let's backtrack to Halloween. I'm loving that time of year more and more each time. I had two costumes this year. A zombie and V from V for Vendetta.

How Awesome are they?.....boy I'm sad.

Needless to say a good time was had by all. Especially by some crazy dressed as Old Gregg from The Mighty Boosh.....I'M OLD GREGGGG!!!!!

Time for an interlude