God, I'm talking to pumpkins

This is it. It's finally the day. I'm having a conversation with a vegatable (and just to clarify I mean the inanimate edible kind, not the....inanimate edible kind with a brain). I bought two pumpkins to carve before the party on Tuesday and as soon as I picked one up I jumped right into a conversation. It wasn't planned or anything, I just started apologising about how long I've taken to get around to this and asking him if he's got any ideas regarding what sort of design I'll go for, because to be fair, it is his face after all and he should have some input.

Luckily, he remained silent, but like any host I continued to chat away. I think it may have just been a way to cope with the fact that if he was alive, he soon wouldn't be, what with the repeated stabbing and gutting. Poor Larry. Nice face though. I'll have to take a photo.

Random dog encounters

What is it with random dogs? I usually stay clear, not out of fear, but caution. I'm not keen on going to hospital (or the grave) just because I felt like showing a little affection towards an animal.....however, there's times when they just give you that look. You know the one. The "I'm alone at the moment, but I'm making the best of it and I'd be much obliged if you could help me with this itch I have behind my ear. Man I hate not having opposable thumbs." Today was one of those times.

It wasn't my fault. You can only resist that look for so long. And she was so happy and full of slightly out of place life. She just wanted someone to chat to, but a slight measure of desperation was evident by the fact that she just wandered into the garden. That and the fact that after a two second ear scratch she was on her back and begging for a good old tickle....it was at this point I stopped. Not out of fear as to how far this dog had wanted to go, but I caught a whiff of something. Not a plot or a ploy...something more nasal. This lovable ball of fur needed a bath...last week. I took a timid smell of my stroking hand (I have a policy of using only one for just such an occasion) and low and behold, this smell was contageous.....badly contagious. It was like that scene in Mallrats with the stink palm, only it was dogs ass my hand smelled of, not Jason Lee's. It was a while before I had a chance to wash, which didn't help things.

Let that be a lesson to you....and me. Tramps are tramps, no matter how cute.

Mumm-Ra lives!!!

Haha, well the costume dry run is complete. I'd post the photo evidence, but that would just spoil the surprise on Tuesday. It was (probably foolishly) the first time I'd seen the costume all together and I must say I'm pretty pleased. The face paint and mask are a much closer colour than I'd imagined which is a relief and overall the effect is pretty damn cool.

Of course, as with any test runs, I encountered a few minor imperfections. Even with tightening, most if not all of the bandages slipped to some degree (introducing a repeated and apparently hilarious nipple strip show). This was not helped by my mother, being somewhat under the influence, pointing out the bandage slippage with much frivolity and little tact. Unfortunately, unless I adopt a zero moving policy, the results are likely to be repeated.....although I doubt my mum will be there to point it out again. In preparation for this, I propose to cover my body in the facepaint so that any exposed flesh may still appear in character.

This all being said, I'm not sure what I should be more nervous of, being semi naked infront of the family or being semi naked and blue in front of my friends? Meh, whatever. If I end up streaking at the end of the night at least I'll have a kick ass cloak to keep me vaugely modest.

The mask got very hot eventually and I had to abandon it. With a bit more drunkeness and a little perseverance I should be fine the second time round though.

Another little flaw was that I couldn't look right. Left was fine, but the way I had the bandages meant that right was a bit of a chore. I also lose all peripheral vision (both at the sides, above and below). Eating became an awkward tasktoo because of this.

I wasn't really expecting anyone to know what I was dressed as. You see a guy dressed in bandages and you assume he's just any old mummy. They don't even seem to question the cape....unless they're all closet Thundercats fans. In either case a few people congratulated my on the costume, which was nice. There was, surprisingly, one person who recognised the costume, and I thank them for that.

If I can take anything away from this it's this: it's no wonder mummy's walk the way they do.

I'll post a picture after the party.

and about damn time!

I've decided, after much palava and fuss, not to mess with the mask. The eyes made out of tizer bottles didn't quite work and neither did painting the rims. I think I'm going to have to just grin and bare it. I may put another coat of paint on for Tuesday, but as far as tomorrows family party goes, this will be a dry run.

I managed to clean Sainsbury's out of bandages again making my total 10. That should hopefully be more than enough.

Time will tell....


All this of course means that I'm finished my Halloween costume (at last), wooooo.

Grumpy gus

I've been in a rotten mood all day. I had no idea why and that's what's been bugging the hell out of me. No one else I spoke to seemed to have a great time either.

It may be because I've been happy all week. I've had the song 'Dirty Harry' by the Gorillaz stuck in my head since monday and I've been literally dancing away to it all day and all night. I probably looked a right loon at work, but then again, maybe I was subtle about my dance moves. Either way, it made me happy. Today however that song was no longer stuck, so I no longer danced and therefore I was no longer happy. That or other factors contributed.

Not getting much sleep for one (and yes I know that's a crappy and inappropriate phrase to use at the start of a paragraph, so sue me). I can't stand having to tell people to keep it down at 5am. Added to that the fact that I knew I was going to come home to a bit of a pigsty did not help my disposition.

I have cheered up though. After a nice relaxing drink and a chat all things seem much better, thanks for that :). Tidying up the flat also helped. I hate getting up on a lazy day off to a mess and I feel better now knowing that isn't going to happen.

Hopefully when I wake up tomorrow my head will be full of song.

Mask ahoy

Hey folks, just finished messing around with my mask and it's working out pretty well. With all the bandages on we should be sorted. That and the eyes I have planned. It's not as if my vision will be restricted, I may not be able to wear my glasses at the same time anyway.

Remind me to get more bandages tomorrow if it looks like I've forgotten. Very very important.

And another thing bandage-wise

And another thing. If it takes me 15 minutes to do a rough test, how the hell long is it going to take me to get the full thing on????

As the great Homer Simpson once said:

"I don't even believe in Jebus.........Help me Jebus!!!"

....there we go

Damnit damnit damnit. I thought six would be enough (bandages that is) but I think I need two more at least. aaaarrrggghhhh

I guess it's a good job I checked sooner rather than later. That gives me two and a bit days to finish painting the mask, cut it up and get more bandages. Oh, and the bandages I have are pretty damn transparent so I guess things could get interesting....and cold :/

Halloween PAAARTY!!!

In case your a secret reader or I've missed you out, here's your official invite to our Halloween party. You can print it out and show it at the door if you wish. It's actually on Halloween, a fact I fought to the bitter end to make sure happened. Everyone would logically suggest that it should be on the Saturday before hand so people wouldn't be at work the next day.....but not me. For one we work shifts so we might have been, secondly what's the point of having a party revolving around something that hasn't happened yet? I don't open my Christmas presents before 25th December and I ain't about to celebrate all hallows eve too early (FYI start turning up from around 7:30pm yall).

But back to the point. Last time we had a party I posted the rule that you're all invited, unless we didn't like you. That seemed to have some effect on the turnout so here's the new rules:

1. You're all invitied....unless we absolutely despise you
2. You're not coming through the door unless your in costume
3. You have to behave like the person/thing/embodiment of a mental pressence when you're here.

That last one isn't my idea and I wouldn't blame you for ignoring it. In fact I think it might be a little harsh for me to follow this one as I will have to constantly try and kill a small litter of cats because they woke me from my slumber whilst bossing round a lizard, a monkey, a jackal and a vulture, and that's far too much damn work for one drunken night. However, if you supply your own cats (on costume of course. I'd love to see a little Panthro kitty with nunchuks) I will endeavour to slaughter them if you so wish.

Speaking of which, I painted my mask today. I might try the bandages out in a bit to see if I have enough. In fact, hang on a minute....

Gohan's birthday bashing

We went out the week for Gohan's birthday. I was working late so I felt that once I arrived I needed to catch up, as you do. Let's just say I caught up rather quickly. I caught up so well in fact that I may have overtaken a few people. It is this fact that I blame (the creation of that kissing game, me accidentally trying to out someone and) my decision to go to the Carling Academy when I had very little money to begin with. Foreshame drunken Warthog.

Unfortunately we seemed to lose Gohan in the pub (although the how's and wherefores still allude me), but we soldiered on nontheless.

As soon as we got there, I felt the need. The need that only a urinal and an uncomfortably sticky floor could quench. That's right I just had to pee. Now I wouldn't normally tell you this, but as with everything here, there's a story. I stood there, ready and waiting, the Monk next to me....hang on hang on. It's not like that. Get your mind back out of the gutter and on the job at hand. I know we broke the rules by standing next to each other in a public lavatory, but it was that or piss in someones pockets. Now, when using urinals, and I'm sure many of you know this, there's a certain amount of concentration required. You've got to block out your surroundings and concentrate on your goal. This is not easy once the Monk begins to shout "WOOOOOOOOOOOO" like a freshly boiled old school tea kettle. I wasn't the only one disturbed. The guy next to me gave him a funny look and had to leave. It was at this point when we broke the second rule and spoke to each other. I said something like "What the hell?", to which he replied, with calm, freshly relieved wit:

"Can't a man whoop for joy when having a wee? If he can't then when can he?"

You can't really argue with logic like that.

After a night of watching the Monk get increasingly freaked out by people dancing in his personal space we left, as many people do. We had what seemed like a considerable wait outside, and considering that a considerable wait is quantified by what you consider it to be, I feel that I'm free to class it as a considerable wait. During this time a random guy (a new posh student type) came up to me. In a drunken slur he decreed: "That's a fantastic T-shirt you've got there man" (meaning the Thundercats one mentioned in previous posts, the one I'd kill you for). He then tried to trade me it for a half empty can of some ribena/vimto rip off that someone gave him for free. I may have been drunk, but I wasn't stupid. No dice. Then he began some sort of alcohol fuelled bidding war. By the time he offered the can, a lighter and a folded up club flyer I think he got the hint that I was going to keep the shirt on my back that night. Sucks to be him.

When everyone got there, they were in a somewhat rowdy mood. Considering my foul mood the last time we went out, I felt obligued to join in, and so I did. This was when the wrestling really started.

That's right, wrestling. Drunken, I'm going to get arrested for smashing my friend off this concrete slab if the busy's catch me out door wrestling. Let me just asure you at this juncture that we had just waited until the big police van left and the bouncers couldn't see us in amongst the crowd. After laughing at some, lets be truthful, pathetic stone cold stunner attempts, this is when I came into my own. A walls of Jericho followed by a crippler cross face and I was well warmed up. Especially since the crowd outside began to taunt and cheer. I even vaugely remeber one guy comentating and shouting "OH HE'S NOW GONE STRAIGHT FOR THE CRIPPLER CROSS FACE!!!!", which made me smile. I don't think Spicy was smiling....but then I was trapping his arm and trying to pull his head off his shoulders at the time.

It was at this point my dreams came true. I had read in my stars that very same day that my dreams could come true that day, so I wasn't one to be disappointed. I called for a 3D, and the crowd dispersed slightly. Spicy ran, got picked up by the legs, I lept into the air and in one fluid 3 man machine motion we all hit the ground. I wish I could have seen it. The stuff that dreams are made of, well mine anyway.

We then decided that we better pick ourselves up and head to the taxi rank....we also decided to continue said wrestling on the way. Highlights include me picking up Spicy, crushing his knees to his forehead and dropping his overextended spine onto my knee. For this and other reasons he was limping for a day or so. Those other reasons were probably when I beat his ass in a phone box and when I tried to use the metal railings as the ropes. Note to self, these do not have a lot of give and he will not spring back as quickly as anticipated. I also got a chokeslam in there, and possibly the gayest figure four leg lock of all time. There's nothing more disturbing than wrapping your legs round someone elses in an effort to hurt them, only to have you both look like your trying to crap a phone book. I felt it necessary to smash a shoe box over Spicy's head repeatedly to make the schene slightly more manly. I'm not sure it really worked. But when I got up I did drag him across the concrete, which apparently hurts like hell for a few days.

What else? Spicy kept picking stuff out of bins and hitting us with them. Not the most hygienic of weapons. Oh, I got to do a Hulk Hogan leg drop. That was kinda cool. Golddigga's repeated elbow drops were funny as hell too.

All in all it was a good night.

Remember kids, don't try this at home....we weren't at home so how's that for a loophole!

Wow, how slow am I?

I feel woefully inadequate considering how long it's been since I typed a post. However, it hasn't been as long as I thought. Shame on your maths skills Gohan, ten days my arse.

So lets get back up to date. Still no definates on a new housemate, but there's a prospect on the horizon. Damn that Monk for pulling out. By the by, I've been informed from an impartial observer that if you've never met the Monk and rely solely on my testimony here on the blog, he appears to be a bit of a weirdo. In fact more than that. Let me just put this to rest. You're not far wrong.

Mumbles is off to Paris for the weekend now that his student finances are coming through. It's going to be weird having the place to myself. Very weird. I'm going to have to think of something to do. That or I could just play on the Playstation. Or watch a DVD. But it seems like I'm wasting valuable me time.

Works going quite well. Just got two promotions in two weeks (although one is only temporary). This is pretty damn nifty if I do say so myself. I just hope the combination of all this power and me dressing as Mumm-Ra for halloween won't end up with me chasing cats around the streets for invading my pyramid of evil and dropping their kitty litter everywhere.

Which reminds me, I managed to find bandages for my Halloween costume. And before you ask, I don't know what type they are. Everyone always asks that. I'm no expert when it comes to bandages and to be frank, I don't want to be. As long as they wrap me up and I don't end up being semi-nude or on fire by the end of the night I'll be happy. I've still got to mess with the mask, but I'm pretty much sorted now. Hahahahaha, so is Mumbles. Oh my God is Mumbles ready for Halloween.

What else? Spicy invited us round to his parents place last week and cooked a nice meal for us. I could get used to this getting cooked for lark again. Not that that'll happen haha.

Other than that, I think that's all the general style stuff I've got. Sorry for the delay.

Updating on the flat

It's dawned on me that since the resent...events I have been avoiding talking about what's been going on in my life. Well.......

Spicy is moving out of the flat, leaving me and Mumbles to fend off wild wolves by ourselves. The Monk almost almost moved in, but pulled out at the last minute. We shall have to have long words/beatings with that boy. I should hold him to it really, afterall we did shake on it.....true it wasn't a spit shake, but judging by his cold I wouldn't be surprised if he had a little contribution there.

Mumbles left his previous job, got a new one, then got fired again today. Some people :P As I said to him, it's a good job I don't suffer from panic induced heart conditions.

Our heating is working now though, and we got some new(ish) hobs for the oven. So that's encouraging......we could run into a crippling financial situation down the line, but at least we can cook while we die in the gutter hehe.......I really could use a drink but I started spending the money I kept aside for this week last week. DAMN YOU FINANCES!!!!

But all in all, we keep plodding along.

Hell, I'm not dead yet.

Sending me up the wall

Would walking on the walls and ceiling make you sick? Not mentally, although if you thought you were than you probably are...sick that is, not walking on the walls. What I mean is, could your brain cope with seeing everyday objects the wrong way round? Would this happen during the transition from floor to wall, or would it take a little time? Maybe different people are affected differently. Personally, I can't stand spinning upside down on rides, so I probably couldn't hack it. But, given the chance I'd give it a go.

Fried imagination

What is it with ideas? I've not been having any of late, hence the slow blogging. I guess I haven't been getting out enough. You can only stare at the screen for so long, but lets give that a go......

A pink elephant riding a dragon with an oversized saddle.

The Pied piper prancing along with breakdancing rats following him, large konga lines of that electric connection thing going on amongst rats spinning on their heads.

Walking on walls.....maybe I can work with this one.

I guess staring at nothing and writing gibberish can work....well we'll see.

Cloaks and all

Okay, it's been decided. I shall be going as Mumm-Ra (the real one). I've got a big red cloak, which is, sad to say, awesome. I know I know, but you've got to see it to believe it. I've been wearing it round the flat.....just to wear it in of course. The material's so soft....and it seems to scare the crap out of Spicy. I felt like I was in "The village" or something.

I also got a mask, but that's going to need some major work. I'm gonna cut the jaw off I think, then paint the whole thing blue/turquoise, with red round the eyes. Then all I need to do is possibly buy some facepaint and a load of bandages. Hopefully by then I'll be far too buff to look anything like Mumm-ra.....I can dream can't I?

There's also a debate going on here. Should we have the party on Halloween (Tuesday 31st October)? Since it's Halloween and all. Or the Saturday before? The theory behind the latter....however heathenistic, is that more people would possibly be able to go as it's the weekend. But come on, it's not Halloween....not that I'm biased or anything.

Halloween costuming

Well, for our Halloween party I was thinking of dressing as Skeletor (from the Masters of the Universe film, not the cartoon. I can't imagine me completely painted blue, can you?). However, considering money's getting a bit tight, the mask will be incredibly tricky, I couldn't find a rams head, and even that much material for a cloak would bankrupt me. I'm going to have a look around town today to see if there's another way round this, but it's got me thinking about trying a different type of costume.

Any suggestions?

Exercise at last

Well I've thought about it, and there's no harm in changing a bit more of the outside me. I mean, when I was in the changing rooms last week trying on a new shirt I caught a glimpse of my torso. It didn't really inspire me with confidence, so I've started doing some exercises. Just your standard push ups and pulls ups. Mainly because it's been oooh, what, 8 years or so since I did PE and I can't think of many others. I might start with some weights too.

But don't let this give you the wrong impression ladies, I might just have high standards of how my own body should look like. I'm just not as toned as I'd like to be. Don't go getting downheartened, you'll never know what I've seen til you try......okay I know no one will buy that one. Pretend you didn't just read this post, forget forget forget forget forget forget forget.

But seriously, remind me not to wear the same t-shirt I'm planning to wear the next day in case it gets sweaty. I've fallen into that trap already. Also, any other exercises you could recommend would be greatly appreciated. And if you could not let me give up just 'cos I'm lazy, I can see that happening. If you do, I'll treat you to two tickets to the gun show, BABOOM.

haha

Dying alone..ooh cheery

If I've learned any phrases in life it's this:

"There are three types of lie in this world. Lies, damn dirty lies, and statistics."

That being said, statistics can be comforting in the right light. I've had a bit of a hunt around and I've found out that between 96 and 107 people die per minute. How's that comforting?

Well, I've often figured that we all die alone. That is, unless we're in a bus full of nuns going over a cliff or something. But, this way, none of us really die alone. There's someone going through the same sort of problems as you right at the same time....although according to one statistic that's 1.78 people dying per second, so really you're sharing it with .78 of a person. But, the theories still there.

I don't know why I'm thinking about this, but that's me. I have no idea why I think anything, it just happens. If you can figure out where my mind is most of the time, then send a self address envelope to....well just hand it to me, it'll be quicker.

Hair/mental change rantings

The haircut seemed to go down well at work. Many people didn't even recognise me, which I did find amusing. People still maintain the "You look respectable" statement, which still makes me realise that people must have thought I looked like a bum. But, overall the reaction was very good. It's even starting to grow on me a little (as hair does). I've still not found a hair product I'm particularly happy with though.

Maybe it could be an excuse for internal changes. New outside, new inside. I'm not sure yet. Especially since people are still reeling from the last changes I made (although not by choice of course). Isn't it weird how looking different can make you feel different? I started out with that old unrepressable rage I used to suffer from. Going to Baja didn't help there. But, it feels like it could be a mouldable change. What would I want to become though?

I do lack confidence. Not so much in a mental "I know what I'm doing" sense. I think I've got my fair share of that. No, it's more of a confidence with new people doodad. If it's an environment in which I can actually talk in then I'm okay-ish. Depends if I've got anything to talk about, something in common maybe. Not that I really believe that you need anything in common, but I guess it gives a starting block.

I can never really go up to a stranger in a club and start talking to them. For one, I can never tell what the hell they're saying. Secondly, and not to labour the fact, but I have no confidence. I've convinced myself that no one will like me and I've come to terms with that. That's why I don't even bother. Maybe a haircut can change all that. Maybe that's a big pile of bollocks, but it may be worth a go. Maybe the change will come all by itself, I guess I may never find out 'til I let it. Maybe I'm putting all my eggs in one basket, maybe I just need to find a new place to harvest eggs. It's something I've pondered for a while, but where is the chicken coop for me? Where can I find somewhere quiet, alcohol filled and sociable? Hmmmm......but then you've got the fact that in a pub environment you don't really see the whole walking up to random strangers thing going on. Ah. What about friends of friends? Yeah, I can imagine that:

"Hey *enter name here*, how's it going? You see *blah blah blah* last night? No? Too bad......Got any single friends?"

I've said it before though (not that, what I'm about to), life would be boring if it was easy.

So how's things?

I guess I'm settling back in to doing what I'm supposed to. The world turns and you get on with it. There's no point in trying to do anything about it. If something's going to happen then it'll happen. I'll just sit back and let the tide take me where it will. If I see a branch I'll grab it, if not, then well atleast I've got the scenery to stare at as I float down stream. I'll try and steer myself in the right direction when I come to a fork in the road, I just hope I don't choose one that ends in a waterfall. Even if I do then it'll be too late and my bones'll be mash before too long.

Haircut v2 plus Scarf Man

It's weird what can trigger a memory. Usually drunken memories are unreliable, so I've had to refer to the notes I'd made mid-intoxication.

Friday came and went, but not before a full day of stuff. I spent too much on clothes (but then again I don't buy alot so anything seems a bit too much) and then I got my hair cut....but this time I've got an overwhelming joint opinion that it's an actual haircut....although I still maintain that from a technical standpoint, if hair has been cut away from the head then that is by definition a haircut. But lets not get into that one. Let's just say it is most definately different. I didn't really like it to begin with. I guess going into it with the knowledge that I'd been morally forced into it to begin with didn't help. I think I upset the hairdresser too, but that's simply going off what the Monk tells me. So far the feedback is mostly good. Even stopped a few people mid-sentence. It's kinda growing on me too.

We went out later that day and got a little....squiffy. I do like that word. It's not used often enough in my opinion. That and tomfoolery. Anyway, I'm sitting there, minding my own business when a see a flash to my left. I realise that some strange woman has just taken my photo and wandered off. Luckily her boyfriend stopped back to explain what the hell had just happened. Turns out, this girl takes the photographs of random strangers and sticks them to her wall.....yeah I know. I was hoping for a more in depth explanation myself. Unfortunately I was a bit too far gone at this point to probe further. I was at this time merely content with the fact that I'll be there, on the wall, for strangers to gawk at me and make obnoxious comments that may or may not be true. I mean, why the hell would you put me on there? I'm hardly anything to write home about, other than to warn your relatives that there's one god awful looking guy hanging round out there somewhere.

After that we went to Baja, much against my will. I used to get guilt tripped into going every goddamn week back when I was at school. My friends loved it. I however did not. I hated it in fact. Turns out, I still do. I stood there, much as I had in my childhood, fuming, using all my energy to stop myself from just walking out the door....that staring at people until the start a fight. You have no idea how much I wanted someone to attack me. I know by this point you think this is a pretty irrational attitude to have. That the company you're in should be enough. Don't get me wrong, I love the people I was with to bits, but that can only get you so far. The musics shit, the clientel are a bunch or twats, and most drinks are around a fiver (even a double vodka and lemonade). Needless to say I stopped drinking soon after rediscovering this last fact.

There was one saving grace in this club. Scarf Man. That's right, he even gets a capital "M". We watched this guy from the balcony for what seemed like an hour. His main gimmick was (surprise surprise), his scarf. He pranced around in it, he tried to wrap his prey in it, he generally lived through that thing. At times he did get a bit overzealous, yes, but it worked for him. Sure he almost choked a woman and everytime he got knocked back you saw him die a little bit inside. But he kept going. I wish I had that sort of "Maybe next time" attitude. I whooped and cheered at his every attempt. Shouted and screamed at every failed conquenst. It wasn't long before others began to join in, even to the point where some guy next to us began to wonder what the hell was going on. Apparently, so I'm told, he looked at us. Looked at the dance floor. Looked at us again and began cheering along. He then told his girlfriend and (I hope) it spread from there. I would have loved for it to have spread throughout the upstairs balcony.

God bless you Scarf Man, you may have lost your scarf at the end of the night, but in our hearts you'll always have a warm neck.

.....okay, I guess you had to be there.

The Crimson shave

Last time I shaved (before today), I shaved drunk. I wasn't a pretty sight (but lets face it, when am I ever?......gee, no sympathy), what with all the blood and hairy patches all over my face. Today was different.

Today I was sober. Today I had possibly the worst shaving related cut since jack the ripper decided to do other things with his cut throat razor. The blood poored everywhere, it was like an unstopable tidlewave of life giving liquid. However, I was in the classical shaving mindset and I persevered. It got to the point, as it often does, where the shaving foam began to fade. This of course meant that I was left with shaving using blood as a lubricant. And you know what? It's not too bad. In fact I think it was easier to shave with blood than shaving foam. I'd recommend it to anyone.....but I hope it doesn't scar too badly.

Tidying up

Well I think that's about it. I'll have to have a proper read, but I've taken out every instance of the name I can find. And you know what? It's not the greatest feeling in the world, but meh, what you going to do?

Forced to re-write history

It's been a weird day. First the Edinburgh trip gets cancelled (I know), next thing I know....well I don't know how much I can get into it. Lets just say there are certain reasons why the following must be done:

I'm going to have to go through every post and comment to remove references to the place I currently work

No further references should be made about said place directly

Erm, I'm not sure what else. As I haven't been told this directly I'm winging it. If something isn't changed enough then it's because I haven't been made aware of the rules as such. Lets see how it goes.

Also, I'm going to set it so that I have to read all comments before they appear on the blog. Man I feel like such a Nazi, but my hand is forced.

P.S. This will obviously take some time so give me a little slack

Caveman boogie

Why is it that I feel sick when I see scat (not the type of singing)? The thought doesn't sicken me. In fact there isn't a thought I can think of that sickens me come to think of it. But seeing it make me wretch.

My theory? It's because I know it's wrong. Now for the important bit. Is it a social or an instinctual reflex? If it's socially programmed in then it's because I've been told that it's wrong and my subconscious is making sure that I remember that fact.

If it's instinctual, could this explain other things? Could this explain how cavemen figured out sex? I'm guessing they didn't have the patience for trial and error. Are you pre-programmed with the knowledge that this is right and that is wrong? That things shouldn't go places that have no benefit? I'm sure it's something we can scientifically prove/disprove....I just don't want to.

TV attacked me

On Sunday I found myself with nothing to do at the last minute. After a prolonged lie in I got up and moped about. After around 6 hours of TV marathons I looked at my watch and thought I'd just woken from a coma. I felt partially brain dead....maybe that's why I still feel so tired.

Why does long periods of TV tire you out? Intense concentration? Atrophy in your muscles due to the lack of movement?

Edinburgh trip

I shall be traipsing the merry streets of Edinburgh this weekend with work. I'm quite looking forward to it. As long as I can somehow get Saturday off I'm laughing. We're even planning to steal a penguin (sssshhh). The one thing on my mind at the minute is how long exactly will it take to get there?

Just in case, we need to think up some travelling games. Eye spy is a no from the start. I've sat there for around 3 hours playing drink while you think before without alcohol. The time flies but you don't get drunk (unfortunately). Hmmm..

Any prompt suggestions would be very much appreciated.

Looking up

Life isn't so bad I guess. With a positive outlook positive results can be gained. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be either. It was kind of automatic. Monday I walked into work, happy for no reason, and next thing I know I'm doing bigger and better things. Lets hope this is the start of things to come.

Deceifering notes

Sometimes I even confuse myself. When I get an idea for a blog entry I'll make a little note of it. I do this quite often when I'm drunk. Today is the second time I've totally baffled myself as to what the hell I meant. I'll let you see if you can deceifer it:

"drunk rules wall car"

I never use punctuation for these things, so it could be two seperate things. Maybe more. I have no idea.

Running away...not me

Is there a certain radius you have to pass in order to elope? Surely running away together requires that you go a certain distance away. A few miles doesn't seem good enough. You've got to get far enough away not to be able to walk the distance comfortably. Further than a short bus ride too. Maybe a quarter of the country?

And is it classed as eloping if you tell people where you're going? Surely there should be an element of secrecy. Of not wanting to be found.

Not that I have any plans to do this. For certain obvious reasons. I'm not even sure what made me think of it. But it's worth plotting these things in advance....although surely planning such things also goes against it's very essence. It needs to be more of a foolish spontaneous thing.

Wolf hair?

I can hear your thoughts Monk. Oh yes I can. You're thinking, "It's all become a bit one track again." Well you're entitled to your opinion. In an attempt to avoid such things:

Where do the hairs of werewolves come from?

We all know the theory. A werewolf bites you, you get infected and you become one. Every full moon you transform into one of the large hairy beasts, but these hairs seem to grow from inside your body. Are these hairs there all the time? Are they spontaneously created as part of the change? Is it magic or accelerated genetic resequencing? The latter would explain the ability to grow a snout and whatnot too. Then again so would magic, so we're not much further ahead.

And whats with the memory loss? Why force someone to commit horrific acts, then not let them remeber them? True it's funny to watch someone wake up in a room full of blood to find out none of it's theres, but that could get old.

I guess change happens

Hah, maybe I am looking at this the wrong way. Maybe my constant realist pessimism is stopping me from seeing whatever bright side there is.....at the minute I can't think of anything, but I'll give it a go. Sure being on the phones is shit, but I guess it was the job I signed up for. And it's easy brainless work. Not that I particularly enjoy mindless repetitive tasks.

Think think think.

At least I still have a job.

It's been brought to my attention that I've been in somewhat of a professional slump since that whole PS debacle. Upon reflection I tend to agree. It's weird that you don't really notice these things until someone gives you a nudge. I mentioned this to other people and they agreed straight away. Why hadn't anyone pointed this out sooner? It's like the whole serial killer haircut thing again. Not that it would have probably done any good. But I guess they're right. If I do want to get ahead I've got to pretend everythings fine and dandy, although I hate pretending to be happy. That's why I don't work in a shop. I just couldn't do that all day. Drink can only do so much unfortunately, but it helps. It kinda wipes the slate clean once I get to a certain level of drunk. I'm willing to put that theory to the test again. In fact I think I might pop to the shops and get myself a bottle of vodka....or I could try and think of another way.

Either way I need a walk. Stretch my legs and do nothing for a change.

But, all in all, I do feel a little better about this whole thing. Conspirational and paranoid is hell, but a little better.