Straight Jacket Diaries

Friday, September 29, 2006

How do you want to die?

That's not a threat, just a question. Unless....well lets not go there.

It's something I've been thinking about on and off. The worst possible way I can imagine dying is being burnt alive. That would suck big time. Even if your nerves did eventually die off, you'd be able to watch yourself crisp and fry. The smell of burning hair is bad enough, imagine the whole body.....unless it smells a bit like a BBQ. Then I might have to reconsider.

Of course now all my enemies know my kryptonite and I'll have to keep an eye out for naked flames. I'm on to you.

I want to die in a way that may scar someone (either physically or emotionally) for life. Something horrific and quick. Like jumping off an overpass into a truck with exploding spikes on the front. You know, something natural. So far that's the one I like the sound of the most. If I think of any better ones I'll let you know....or you'll read about it in the papers...or be there and get covered in my intestinal tract. Whichever comes first.

9 Comments:

  • Thanks for that. Frankly, I'd prefer to be towelled to death. And on this subject, I sincerely hope you've read 'The Judgement' by now. It makes me quiver all over.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:38 pm  

  • the question is though paul, who exactly would you like to towel you to death?????

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:45 pm  

  • Well, the abiding image seems to be a gurning Marty Feldman with a manometer welded to his forehead, but it's just a fantasy now. What about you anonymouse? Shed your anonymity.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:13 am  

  • hows abouts being lowered an inch per minute into an industrial mincer or falling into wet concrete, the realisation that this will be your silent tomb as the quickly clogging concrete fills your lungs. The panic seizes you as you last sense is the sandy scent filling your nasal cavities. Or being sanded to death with fine grain sand paper? OOOORRRR being tied down and an iron being placed on your chest and being secured with bungee cords then it gets tuned on and you can feel it heating up and you know that when the authoroties arrive you will reseble something from a tom and jerry cartoon............

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:36 pm  

  • All excellent ideas. Should you survive the fall into said wet concrete, I can imagine you wouldn't be best pleased. Especially considering the fact that wet conrete apparently burns the skin quite severely. I found this out when watching 101 unusual things found in the human body. Some guy had poured wet conrete into his ass for kinky thrills. He found this fact out rather quickly. Somehow they managed to take the concrete out whole when it set to give a perfect inpression of the inside of his colon. Fascinating.

    I wonder how long it would take to be toweled to death? Does it depend on the size of the towel? The speed and power of each strike? Where you hit the target? I sense that this is a job for the programme Brainiac....or even better Johnny Ball. That guy is a legend.

    By Blogger The Warthog, at 1:33 pm  

  • Anal rape doesn't compare to Monk's pre-planned death. What with the whole rib rape and untimely death. True it was good of them to offer him the choice as to what order this happened in, but he still wasn't happy. Talk about being ungrateful.

    By Blogger The Warthog, at 9:24 pm  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:02 am  

  • Haha, oooh you kidder's.

    But seriously, if the Monk had some spunk he'd defend himself blogwise. Stand up for yourself man.

    *Tries in vain to hide obvious attempts to get more people to post comments on the blog*

    By Blogger The Warthog, at 1:54 am  

  • As funny as Krizzle's joke was, the victim has asked me to remove it as you mentioned him by name. Although, if he does change his name legally to the Monk then we're all screwed.

    By Blogger The Warthog, at 1:49 am  

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