Call me The Snowman
Have I ever told you about my extreme aversion to snow? Well I am now. For some reason, I get an overwhelming violent urge whenever it snows. I think it dates back to a combination of school and my terrible throwing arm.
The first recorded incident dates back to middle school. One day, when walking home (in the snow surprisingly) a fellow child ran up from behind me and "scrubbed" me. For the uneducated in snow related warfare this is the method of rubbing a snowball into someones face or head with force. Needless to say I wasn't best pleased and proceeded to fling him to the floor. I'm sure I hurled one or two threatening remarks in there too, but this was just the beginning.
When I was at high school age I was again walking home (not far from the previous incident), when three children popped up from behind a wall and began throwing balls of ice at mine and my brothers faces. Again I was a little miffed and, after telling them to stop, I kicked the oldest one as hard as I could in the leg. For some reason I proceeded to then walk off as he got ready for a fight (I could tell this by the taunts of "Come on then!" and by the fact that he threw his hat on the icy ground). By the time he noticed that I wasn't going to oblige he was also a wee bit miffed. "Fuck him" I thought, now you know how I feel.
Possibly the most horrific of these tales (and possibly because I can only remember three at the moment) also happened when I was in high school. This time it was actually in school, at lunch time if memory serves (and if it doesn't I ain't the fool that's going to give it a tip at the end of the meal). I had been told that a child no one particularly liked (one which I liked even less so) was willing to stand there and take a barrage of snowballs to his person as long as he could return the favour. So there we are, all lined up and throwing our chunks of snow when one of the guys chunks of ice falls next to my foot. What else could I do but compress it further and throw it back. How was I supposed to know I'd hit him in the eye and blind him for the rest of the day? I guess my throwing arm isn't as bad as I thought, it's evil.
The first recorded incident dates back to middle school. One day, when walking home (in the snow surprisingly) a fellow child ran up from behind me and "scrubbed" me. For the uneducated in snow related warfare this is the method of rubbing a snowball into someones face or head with force. Needless to say I wasn't best pleased and proceeded to fling him to the floor. I'm sure I hurled one or two threatening remarks in there too, but this was just the beginning.
When I was at high school age I was again walking home (not far from the previous incident), when three children popped up from behind a wall and began throwing balls of ice at mine and my brothers faces. Again I was a little miffed and, after telling them to stop, I kicked the oldest one as hard as I could in the leg. For some reason I proceeded to then walk off as he got ready for a fight (I could tell this by the taunts of "Come on then!" and by the fact that he threw his hat on the icy ground). By the time he noticed that I wasn't going to oblige he was also a wee bit miffed. "Fuck him" I thought, now you know how I feel.
Possibly the most horrific of these tales (and possibly because I can only remember three at the moment) also happened when I was in high school. This time it was actually in school, at lunch time if memory serves (and if it doesn't I ain't the fool that's going to give it a tip at the end of the meal). I had been told that a child no one particularly liked (one which I liked even less so) was willing to stand there and take a barrage of snowballs to his person as long as he could return the favour. So there we are, all lined up and throwing our chunks of snow when one of the guys chunks of ice falls next to my foot. What else could I do but compress it further and throw it back. How was I supposed to know I'd hit him in the eye and blind him for the rest of the day? I guess my throwing arm isn't as bad as I thought, it's evil.
posted by The Warthog at
12:46 am
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