Crazy companionship craving

Don't get the title wrong, I don't crave the companionship of crazies....I know enough of them as it is and you can never get enough of that. What this post is about is the human desire to avoid solitude. For years I've been a constant loner whenever possible, I had a few friends, but not many. Then I got a job in. Long soppy story short, it brought me out of my shell. I began giving a damn about people, true I still have the ability to hate someone without remorse, but if your not on the hate list then more than likely I'll care if you die in front of me.

This revelation is what caused me to want to move out of my parents place and into the wide world that had always been around me. It's at this point, and this might only be the way I'm feeling today, I don't know, that I feel the need for female companionship. I don't just mean the sex part, but the silent hugs whilst watching TV, arranging to meet someone just because you don't feel like a complete person without them. The little things that people take for granted like a certain look or a....I don't know, the list is endless.

Now I've never been able to feel that close to people, I find myself subconsciously pulling away. I guess it all has felt like school where you've got the constant suspicion that people are just out to make a fool of you. But I've changed. My mind is willing to let people in, but my body language is in a constant state of tension. It doesn't help that I have no idea how to speak to random strangers. I can only really come out of this protective bottle if I have time to get to know people. Obviously that means going out to meet people will probably never work.

All in all I'm not depressed about it, it's a nice new weird feeling. Well not new, but one I've not had in a long time. I just need to figure out how to take it from here.


All input is greatly appreciated hehe. See you soon peeps