Where my life has gone

Why is it that I feel like I've squandered my life? I've met a tonne of people this past year and although most are younger than me (lets not get started on that one again), they seem to have crammed so much more into their time. Sure I went to college and University. But what else is there? Before I moved out, what social walls had I climbed? What barriers of the everyday life have a I broken. Was there really a me before now?

Come to think of it, I think I know where that time went. On the internet. You might be aware that I'm a Transformers fan (the robots, not the electrical converters). For years I used to sit there all night looking at message boards and chatting to other "TF" fans on aol and msn. While I'm here (and evidently wasting the rest of my life as it happens haha) I'll let you know the whole history of it.

It all started when I began University. Here I met self confessed geeks, ones who helped me unleash the geek in me. After a casual surf between lectures I got bored and tried searching for all sorts of things. It was at this time I remembered, "Transformers used to be so cool". Or something to that effect. So I looked them up, and low and behold, they were going as strong as ever (this was way before the recent spat of Transformers cartoons). The fan bas was huge and I just had to look deeper, so I did.

I found out that there had been several Japan only series (Headmasters, Masterforce, Victory, Beast Wars II, Beast Wars Neo off the top of my head. Oh yeah, and Scramble city), but everyone always came back to the original (or G1 aka Generation 1). How could you not? Megatron as a Luger, Optimus Prime as the good old truck, Soundwave, man I used to love Soundwave the cassette recorder. Sorry, I'm getting a little distracted. Where was I?

Oh yeah, it was on one of these random hunts where I found a little message board called Moonbase 3. I spent a few days watching and reading, then I just had to sign up. I tried the name Ravage, but it was taken. I thought about Soundwave, but then I'd have the stigma of being associated with a monotone bore (however cool he is). I eventually (somehow) ended up with Silent Bob (I'd just gotten into Kevin Smith films too).

As time passed I slowly stopped living up to the name. I posted more and more frequently, to the point where I was becoming a force to be reckoned with in the post scores. I eventually became a moderator, co-created a TF game that never got finished (I created the character animations. Maybe I'll put some up sometime if I can find them). I then became an admin at good old Moonbase 3. I know I'm over simplifying it here, and there was a lot of work and discussion involved. But in a nutshell this is where we start our story. Yeah, I know, but as I said, I think this is where my life went.

I'd made loads of friends there. Great friends who I'd never meet. People from around the world (and I don't care what they say, internet friends are as real as the next). All gathered together to chat and joke around. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all Transformers. We'd talk about anything......but there were some people that I didn't quite like. Now naming names has gotten me in to trouble before, so lets not. Lets just say that decisions were made (a new admin coming in and deleting all my posts, not cool), people took sides, people left (including me). That was after we usurped someones power because it kinda went to their head. Yes I know how stupid that sounds, but it had to be done (although I am sorry for the way it turned out). Anyway, so a group of us left one way, another another way, some stayed. I left.

A group of us went off to form the message board called Stasis lock. I got as high as I was gonna get there too. I liked that place. It was a bit more relaxed. It was just like going round to a friends house. I even got to make their website.

The other splinter group was Planet Quintessa (which whilst researching this, I found out still exists. Go them. I might have to pop by and let them know I'm still alive).

After Moonbase 3 went away and came back again, things were still a little awkward. There was a moralistic rope keeping me away. So, when Stasis lock shut it's doors, I decided to start up my own board. Primus forum was born (not the band, the living being that formed Cybertron, the Transformers homeworld if you must know). Gimlock (owner of Moonbase3) kindly gave me some webspace and we tottered along quite nicely. Sure we didn't have a hell of alot of members (63, but most of them didn't have a single post. Still, 63's a good number), but it was fun. I got to do things my way. I released people from their limits and no subject was taboo....literally.

After a while University kinda got in the way. I started spending less and less time there, to the point where I stopped going altogehter. After a few months I went back to check up on things, see how everyone was, tell them I'm not dead. Then I kinda faded away again. I didn't fell that undying urge to be there all night every night as I once had. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't the people, it was me.

During one of these periods of absence we got hacked big style and everything was gone. Since activity had slowed dramatically Grimlock didn't see the point in re-opening. By this time most of the wounds had healed between our own little splintered group and Moonbase 3, so most of them went there. Again I faded away, but this time with a profound sense of loss and regret. If only I'd stayed.....

In the time between then and now (maybe around 3 years) I've thought about this now and again. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. I realise that although it did take up a large chunk of my life, I wouldn't take that time back. I'd do it all over again, but moreso. Afterall, there are worse things I could have been doing.

Now if you'll excuse me, maybe I'll look some old friends up.