Bird scum and their persecution of me.

Now I know I'm always seeming to start wars with things, but the birds (the flying kind, not women in planes, don't be daft) started it. "How can a bird, or indeed a collection thereof begin the necessary proceedings for war?" I hear you ask in well spoken unison. I'll tell you how.

One day I was walking down the street, minding my own business (not that I have my own business, but you get the idea) when I heard a splat and saw a streak shoot past overhead. I shrugged my shoulders and thought nothing of it. I continued to walk, at which point I put my hand in my pocket and felt something.....moist. I pulled out my hand to discover a bird had shat INSIDE my pocket. Quite how this was done is beyond me as I saw the streak overhead move from left to right and the "present" was left in my right pocket.

How can a bird begin a war? Try keeping an alliance with someone who shits in your pockets!