Too much self control

It's been a problem for the longest time. I've never been able to properly let loose. When I did karate it was immediately apparent to my sensai. I just kept pulling my punches, even knew full well he could kick my ass if he wanted to (one arm or not). On a side not though, aren't all the coolest martial arts trainers in films and myth ones with some sort of gimmick? One eye, one arm, blind, deaf etc?

This holds me back in two ways. Physically: I have to concentrate in order to get any sort of power into punches and kicks. Mentally: I can't just let go. I see people just freak out and do crazy shit, but I could never imagine me doing it. The 'What if' demon at the back of my head just keeps whispering to me. I'm too rooted in logical thinking to let myself go.

This is probably why I can't really dance. I can figure out the rhythm to the music, I see what other people are doing and how it corellates, but I just can't do it. Relaxing and feeling what I'm doing rather than thinking about it is not within my grasp. Maybe one day I'll be able to train my mind to stop thinking. Maybe all I need is the right woman to put me right. You never know.

It's been said (and seconded) that I live in my own head. I really can't argue with this one. I do. Life would be a bit boring if I didn't spend time in there. Monotony can take hold and send you mad otherwise. But I need to balance it out more. That's why I need a hobby. There's a music school just round the corner and I always did want to learn the guitar (but then again, don't most people?). We'll see.